Monday, November 24, 2014

No True Bill

I swear, sometimes I just don't know what to do about this planet.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Sunday, August 31, 2014

First Week Complete

Hello everyone,

I finished my first week of law school on Friday. It's already been a crazy ride. The people are interesting, to say the least.

There were lots of discussions going on... about Ferguson, about the police in America, about the Middle East, about the situation in Ukraine and Russia. Lots of varied opinions and drastically different ideologies. I agree with some, and disagree with others.

I've been watching everything unfold in Ferguson still. Reading the reports that were released and catching eyewitness revelations. I've seen some other things unfold as well. I watched the horrifying video where police officers shot a man who was approaching them. They said he ran at them with a knife, but from what I saw, no running was involved whatsoever. I wanted to watch the video so that I could understand the situation better, though I found myself both disturbed and brokenhearted at what I witnessed. I could hear the terror in the voice of the man recording the video, though he was trying to stay composed.

I also watched the video in which a Southern family disowned their young adult son for being gay, at one point physically assaulting him in their fear and anger. I was glad to see that money is being raised to help this young man who lost his support system, but it makes me all the more aware of those who don't gain anything by revealing themselves, but lose all they have... which in some cases, includes their lives.

It is disheartening to watch the world in which you live be so filled with hatred, anger, fear, and distrust. It would be simple to stop looking for things that make the world seem terrible, but that isn't fair. It's not fair to me, and it isn't fair to the people who do experience these things. I know people like to use "Life isn't fair" as an excuse to do nothing to fix things, but I won't do that. These people can't just say they aren't interested in dealing with these issues anymore. They don't have the option to walk away from prejudice and hate, and I won't give myself the option either.


I've been dealing with some of my own issues on top of all those that I am watching unfold on my television. I was moved to part time at school due to my health issues. It's time that I admit that I have gotten to the point that the word "disability" truly fits me. As someone who had a brother with a disability, and numerous friends who also are disabled, it doesn't seem to make sense to feel the way I do about this.

I feel as though I have failed myself in becoming disabled. It's so stupid, I know. I don't know how to overcome it though. I dropped from 15 hours to 10. I know it was something I needed to do, and my school officials were so helpful in this... I feel like I owe them so much. I already feel relieved, knowing that I won't be so physically overwhelmed. I kept falling asleep on the couch in the afternoon while trying to read for my classes, and I was worried that the strain was making me even more ill.

I have an appointment with a sort of disability advocate this upcoming week. I don't know what to say to her. I don't want to admit to having gone from healthy, running, and energetic to a downtrodden, exhausted, and painful ball of self-pity in less than 4 years. What happened to me? I think that this is the most frustrating part of it all is that we still don't know.

I have been to so many doctors and had so many tests. I had what we referred to as my "day of torture" last year. My specialist put me through a whole bunch of tests, each more excruciating than the last. I was stabbed with large needles while they listened to my muscles, electrocuted so they could see the reaction times... I screamed a lot that day. I had a biopsy, too. It all came back as abnormal but inconclusive. I got a firm diagnosis of "Myalgia" from it, but that was all.

I only wish I knew what my disability actually was. Maybe then I would be more confident in saying that I was disabled. I feel like I am taking something that I don't fit in... I don't know what my disability is, so can I truly be disabled?!


I hope everyone is well. I have a lot more reading to do. At least I am greatly enjoying my classes and the materials. I'll try to update as often as I can.



Monday, August 11, 2014

Is this how it starts?

People say that the world has always been in turmoil, but the massive access to internet makes it more obvious and in our faces. I'm not so sure that I see things that way.


Tonight, a few hours drive from me, riots and police are running the streets in the St. Louis suburb of Ferguson. This is the second night in a row. Why is this happening?

It's happening because another young man lost his life at the hands of the police. An unarmed man. An unarmed Black man. Michael Brown was supposed to start college today. That fact alone tears at my heart, knowing that I will be starting school next week.

The story is a mish-mash of confusion. The story starts with the police officer apparently telling Mr. Brown and his friend to stop walking in the middle of the road. The police say that the young man became angry and tried to take the officer's weapon, resulting in the shots. The witnesses say that the young man had his hands up and was moving away from the officer when he was shot multiple times. Forensics provided by several news sources provide a shooting distance of roughly 35 feet.

Who do you believe?

I moved to Columbia, MO at the end of May from Carbondale, IL. Carbondale is NO stranger to police controversy. If you haven't heard of it, look up Molly Young's death, and the more recent death of Pravin Varughese. While I didn't know Molly, I was familiar with Pravin, and several of my students were his family friends. They are both extremely disturbing tales, and are not the only cases of possible police misconduct. The chief of police once forgot his gun in his car, which was then stolen, only to be used later in a crime. There are also several unsolved cold case murders.

What I am saying here is that I am familiar with police actions that result in extremely negative consequences. I am NOT saying that all officers are bad people. I know that I rely on officers when I am in danger, and will call for their help without worry.

What bothers me is simple and complicated all at once.

When will it be enough? When will governments realize that there is an obvious bias in their police forces and do something about it? When will young black people stop being killed by police for some imagined infraction? In this specific case, why didn't the officer use less than lethal weaponry if he felt that he was in danger from an unarmed man?

What is it going to take?

What is it going to take for the good cops on the force to stop protecting the corrupt? Why don't they stand up? Why do we fear those who are supposed to be our greatest protectors?

I am not condoning, in any way, shape, or form what the rioters in Ferguson are doing. I feel that it is drastically unfair to local business owners, as they are facing looting and loss of their livelihood due to these protests.

What I am saying is that I empathize with their situation. I can't say that I wouldn't be just as angry. I don't know, since I have never personally faced such a situation. I feel like the people of Ferguson have had enough, and are lashing out in a way that is definitely getting attention.

I wish that there was some way that I could ease their sorrow and take away their anger. I wish that I could take the actions of that police officer back, and let Michael Brown go to school.

I know that doesn't help. I know that for a long time, nothing will.

I'm sorry.

-- Kitty


Saturday, August 9, 2014

A New Start and A New Story

Hello everyone.

I know many of my followers will be surprised to see a post from me. More than likely, quite a few people won't see this, as they've left the page. I do not blame anyone for that. I've been absent for a long time, and with good reason. I plan on updating this blog occasionally, with news and opinions that come from my personal perspective.

I feel it pertinent to explain to you all what has happened, so that we are all caught up.

My last post was a request for help from my followers, as my health had gone downhill. My health is still atrocious. I have chronic pain from multiple illnesses: fibromyalgia, arthritis, a ruptured disk, joint issues, missing cartilage, chronic migraines, etc. I have severe emotional issues as well, which are getting me down quite a bit.


On August 12, 2013, my little brother died. It was very sudden, and shocked us to the core. He was 24 and suffering from Duchennes Muscular Dystrophy, though that was not the actual cause of his death. His aorta was ruptured by his breathing machine tubing, and he died within minutes. My mother tried to save him, but there was nothing that could be done. The last thing he did was smile at my mom.


After this, my mom moved in with my wife and I, as we both felt it would be inappropriate to expect her to work so soon after his passing. My wife finished her Bachelors degree in December, and I finished my Masters this past May. We all moved from Carbondale to Columbia, MO, so now we live in a red state. No medical care for me or my diabetic mother, thanks to the wonderful Missouri government.

I start law school in just over a week and a half at Mizzou. I promised my little brother that I would go, that I would work hard to change the world for the better. My plan is to focus in civil rights law, but there is no telling where my focus will be once I start. Getting to this point has been difficult. Moving here drained every once of our savings, and I already had to take out a loan to make rent.

You do what you have to in order to succeed.

I've been following the news closely for a while, so plan on seeing rants and opinions concerning situations like Gaza/Israel, Ebola, Iraq, Syria, gun rights, lgbt rights, civil rights in general, and other topics as I come across them.

I welcome any and all comments, questions, or complaints. I want to hear from anyone who is still out there.

- Kitty

Friday, May 10, 2013

It's been a while, huh?

Hi everyone.

I'm really sorry that I haven't been around in a while. I know I said I would still post important things, but I haven't even done that. I've had some really bad issues, and now I'm going to ask you guys for some help.

Can you all please head over to this link, read what's been going on with me, and possibly donate/share/do whatever you can to help me out? I'm working on getting in to see a specialist too, and that isn't listed in that link. You get rewards for helping.

I'm so sorry to ask this of you all. I'd appreciate if you would at the very least share this around? The more people that see it, the more likely it is I can get some help.

Thanks so much. As soon as I get back on my feet, I'll try to get back to posting important things.

As always, if you have any questions, or anything I can do for ya'll, email me at

-- Kitty